Walls
by NuoviOcchi
Summary: "Before she put her key in the lock, she smiled to herself – she could never leave her job at the office, but in recent weeks her home had become sweet relief for her tired heart."
She trudged up each metal stair like she was climbing a mountain to her sixth floor apartment. Her feet were heavy, her shoulders slumped. On days like this, she couldn't help but second guess the career she had devoted so many years of her life to. She'd had worse days, and she'd had better, but today she just felt tired, felt the weight of too many hours and too little sleep, the consequences of a soul-stretching job. After what felt like forever, she reached the front door of her apartment. Before she put her key in the lock, she smiled to herself – she could never leave her job at the office, but in recent weeks her home had become sweet relief for her tired heart. The resident fear in her made her anxious that things were changing too fast, that she couldn't seem to grasp the brake no matter how frantically she grabbed for it. But there was a new peace inside of her that told her to be still and breathe in the joy of the new things to come. She took in a deep breath and placed the key in the lock, twisted it, and opened the door to the happy squeals of her three year old,

"Mama!" Noah bumbled towards her as fast as his little feet would carry him, arms wide and smile gaping.

"Come here, my sweet boy," Olivia reached out and scooped the footie-pajama clad toddler into her arms, smothering him in kisses. Noah laughed and squirmed trying to get down. Winning the little game, Noah jumped back on the hardwood floor and he scrambled into the living room to continue building his block tower. "Thanks Lucy, see you in the morning," the Lieutenant bid her nanny farewell and led her to the door. Once she was gone, Olivia sighed and smiled gently again as she watched her content son.

"Noah, did you have a good day today?" Olivia sweetly spoke to him as she sat cross-legged on the carpet beside the block tower.

"Yes, mama. Ms. Lucy and I went to the park and we, and we, ate ice cream," Noah flung his arms up in excitement, barely able to get out the story of the day's happenings quickly enough. "And we went high on the swings!" Noah gave a big finish, jumping with his hands in the air demonstrating the thrill.

"That's great, sweetie!" Olivia pulled him to her again. She just couldn't get enough of him being close, especially after the long day she had today. She looked down at him and stroked his hair, "Do you want to go pick out a book?"

"Yes!" Noah jumped up, limbs flailing in his wake as he ran into his bedroom and soon emerged with his favorite book.

"Good choice!" Olivia sat on the couch and patted her lap, inviting Noah to join her, which he happily obliged. Noah handed Olivia the book and she opened it as though it was the first time, while in reality, he had chosen this book every night for the past several weeks.

"The Kissing Hand." Olivia carefully read the title and the author and began to turn the pages, telling the story of a baby raccoon that needed a little reminder of his mother's love. Noah curled into her chest and placed the palm of his hand against the exposed skin above the neckline of her shirt. Her heart melted at his sweet touch and she breathed deeply. As the story ended, Noah's eyes were gently closing and then shooting back open in an effort to stay awake a little longer.

"It's bedtime, sweet boy," Olivia whispered in his ear and he nodded gently, giving in to the inevitable. She carried him carefully to his room and tucked him into his new toddler bed, kissing his forehead. "I love you, Noah. Goodnight."

"Kissing hand, mama," Noah spoke softly, raising his hand with his eyes still closed. Olivia tiptoed back to his bed.

"How could I forget?" She smiled and placed a kiss on his hand, guiding it to his cheek and imitating the gesture in their favorite book. She then placed her palm gently on his lips and he kissed it, grinning.

"Goodnight, mama."

She slipped out of his bedroom, gently closing the door behind her. Her heart felt fuller than before, but still tired. She traipsed into the kitchen and reached to the highest shelf to pull down a wine glass. For the hundredth time, she thought to move them to a lower shelf considering how frequently they were used these days. But not tonight. She went to the pantry, emerged with the bottle of cabernet, and allowed the rich, red, liquid to pour easily into her glass. She swirled it a couple of times, never sure exactly the reason people did such a thing, but nonetheless it made her feel elegant and sophisticated, like the wine connoisseur she wasn't. She took a few sips before retreating to her bedroom, set on changing into something more comfortable for lounging. Placing the wine on her dresser, she stripped of her work clothes, hoping to leave some of her day in the hamper with them, and slipped into her favorite silk pajama set. As she pulled the black shorts over her legs and hips, she relished the sensation. She usually spent nights alone, she was still in the early stages of her relationship with Ed Tucker, and they had not yet entertained spending the night together, but in these pajamas, she felt sexy just for herself and sometimes that was all that mattered. Not to mention, the silk on her skin always felt like a reward after a long day of parading around in pants that always felt too tight. She sauntered back out into the living room and began mindlessly flipping through television channels. If 8pm was an acceptable bedtime for a grown adult, she would be fast asleep by now, but in some strange effort to conform to society even while in the confines of her apartment, she continued scrolling through countless reality TV titles for what seemed like several hours. After a fruitless effort to find something worthwhile on TV, she grabbed for her phone and stood to head towards her bedroom. She did a double take when she found a text from Ed Tucker that read:

 _Was in the area. Can I come up and see you?_

Olivia's heart skipped a beat. She glanced quickly in the mirror in her hallway and ran her hand over her hair. Her heart was racing, she hadn't felt quite the way she felt with Tucker since 7th grade. Her stomach fluttered and she could feel her cheeks grow red. Why was he here so late? Should she change clothes?

 _Sure. I'll buzz you in._

Next thing she knew, Ed Tucker was standing behind the peephole of her door. The seventh grader in her felt a nervous excitement, but the 48 year old in her still felt exhausted and not quite up to company. She opened the door and placed her finger to her mouth, requesting a general quietness due to Noah's sleeping. Ed dramatically tiptoed into her apartment and pulled her into a hug.

"What a surprise! So late! What are you doing around here?" Olivia whispered as she closed the door behind them.

"I lied. I missed you and wanted to see you. That's all." Tucker leaned in for a kiss and Olivia fell into his lips. She reached behind his neck and drew him close while his hands drifted to her lower back pulling her body closer to his warmth. She pulled back slightly and drew him into the living room.

"You look tired, Liv. Are you okay?" Concern flooded Tucker's eyes when he saw Olivia's drained face.

"Yes, of course. I'm fine. Just tired. Didn't sleep well last night really." Olivia replied quickly.

"Are you sure that's all, Liv? I'm here to listen if you need me."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. I'm fine."

"Okay. Let me help you relax at least," Tucker moved closer to her on the couch and turned her away from him. He began by slowly running his hands across her shoulders, rubbing his thumbs from her shoulders up her neck. Olivia whimpered in pain and pleasure as he massaged the knots of her stress away in circular movements. He moved his hands up slowly to her scalp and caressed her head, pulling any stray hair away from her face.

"Mmm," Olivia responded, smiling at the sensation of his hands on her skin.

Kneeling behind her, he leaned to her side and softly kissed her hairline.

"I may be able to do better if you were lying down. Maybe not here though. The bedroom?" Ed immediately cursed himself for how contrived that sounded.

Olivia whipped her head around in a questioning glance.

"I'm sorry, Olivia. I didn't mean it that way. Only as far as you want to go. I promise." Ed caressed the sides of her arm reassuringly, while he beat himself up inside for suggesting something so insensitive knowing how slow she hoped to take their relationship.

He watched her throat move as she swallowed hard, but slowly her face changed to a grin.

"Okay." She finally spoke and stood up, winking as she led Tucker to the bedroom where she tentatively sat on the side of the bed, seemingly waiting for instruction.

"Can I continue the massage?" Ed asked innocently.

Olivia nodded and slowly moved to lie on her stomach. Tucker slowly climbed onto the bed and sat beside her, keeping his eyes trained on hers. She smiled adoringly up at him and took a deep breath. Taking that as a go sign, he placed one knee on either side of her body and placed both his palms on her upper back, first smoothing the silk fabric beneath the rough pads of his fingers. He began to rub deeper, in between her shoulder blades and down her spine. He then moved back up to her shoulders and massaged them gently.

"Tell me about your day, baby. I want to hear everything." Tucker whispered to keep the mood.

"Mmm, not now, too good." Olivia loved the way his fingers felt against her back and she could feel her muscles slowly begin to relax, one by one. Part of her wished something more would come from this, but the other part of her wasn't sure she was ready. It had been a while since she'd been intimate with anyone and the thought of engaging again in this way flooded her with all kinds of insecurities. They had talked about her fears and Tucker knew well what to avoid. That's why his eyes widened in surprise when she twisted around under him and began to reach for the hem of her shirt.

"You don't have to do this, baby." Tucker brushed aside stray pieces of hair in her face.

Their eyes locked, searching one another, she spoke softly, "I know. I want to. Help me get through this, Ed. I trust you."

Tucker swallowed hard as she crossed her arms and began to pull her silk pajama top over her head revealing all her bare skin. Almost as soon as it was off, her arms came up instinctively to cover the extra belly fat she wasn't proud of and the inevitable leftover scars marring her chest from Lewis. She hated the way her naked form looked and she shuddered at the fact that she had just revealed the most vulnerable of her to Ed. Maybe he would run, or maybe he would save her dignity and just back away slowly. She liked to think she knew him better than that, but her fears were too loud and escaped as one tear down her cheek.

To her surprise, he didn't run, he didn't back away. Instead, she felt the rough pad of his finger gently swipe her cheek and kiss the remaining wet skin.

He whispered into her ear, "You are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen."

At that, she began to slowly remove one arm, then the other, placing them behind Ed's head, kissing his lips deeply. Ed gently removed his lips from hers and dipped down lower, kissing up and down her neck, and gradually moving down to kiss the exposed skin of her chest, continually glancing up to her eyes to gauge her reaction. Her eyes were steady, reassuring, though her chest continued to rise and fall with a pace faster than usual. He could feel her heart thumping beneath her skin. He removed his lips and began to run the tips of his fingers gently over the circular scars on her breasts, staring into her eyes all the while.

Their eyes were locked in place, steady, and Olivia tried to regulate her breath as his fingers and lips danced upon her skin. The room was quiet, still, but she didn't feel compelled to break the silence – it felt sacred. For the first time since they began, she smiled at him, nodding slightly and she could almost feel him breathe a sigh of relief.

He worked down to her stomach and caressed back and forth as lightly as he could with his strong hands. Eventually, his hands reached the waistband of her shorts and he swept his fingers lightly just above the elastic, before slipping two fingers underneath and running them back and forth just underneath the waistband.

"Is this okay?" Ed's voice filled with concern and felt almost foreign as it pierced through the silence.

Olivia nodded, smiled, and Ed slipped his full hands into her shorts, pulling them gently down her hips, watching her, every step of the way. Her reaction still positive, he pulled the silk material the remainder of the way down her legs and tossed it onto the floor. He left her panties in place for now, as not to overwhelm her.

Her skin rippled at his light and gentle touches and goosebumps rose from the combination of his fingers and the cool air against her naked body.

"I love you, Olivia Benson. All of you." Tucker whispered in her ear and continued his hands' sweep of her skin. She felt her body relaxing, her worst fears quieting, and she reached up to run her hands against Ed's chest, still covered in a T-shirt.

"I love you too, baby."

Ed quickly rid himself of his clothes, leaving his boxers in place to match her state of undress and pulled himself close to her, skin on skin.

"I'll still take the rest of that massage, you know," Olivia winked at him, hopeful she hadn't missed her chance.

"Oh, I know. And I plan on massaging every last inch of you," Tucker smirked. "Turn over for me, babe."

Olivia turned onto her stomach and Ed straddled her body, settling right below her backside. He ran his hands from the top of her shoulders down to the band of her panties, alternating between light, feather touches and deep tissue massage. She moaned throughout, grateful for the release. She could feel all her pent up anxiety and the tiredness from earlier that day leave her body through his apt fingers. He caressed the sides of her breasts and tiptoed his fingers down her sides. She squirmed and laughed at his ticklish touch. Next, his hands rested on her bottom, flirting with the band of her panties. She knew what he was asking and she smiled before giving him an answer, "yes."

He slipped his index finger into the waistband of her panties and she tightened. Concerned, Ed peeked around at her face resting sideways on the pillow.

"No, no, that was good," she laughed gently.

Relieved, and feeling as though her insecurities and fears were maybe behind her for the night, he continued his tease, sliding his index finger just inside the fabric, across the top of her backside and then briefly around to her front. He slipped another finger into the waistband and mirrored the movements on her other side. He could see goosebumps appear on her flesh and he took it as a good sign. He felt her deflate when he removed both fingers from her skin, but saw her smile when he made contact again. This time slipping one finger into each leg of her panties, running his fingers just under the fabric closer and closer to her core. She shivered and lifted her hips to allow him better access. Not ready just yet to give in, he brought his fingers back to her bottom and slipped his whole hands underneath the fabric, kneading the flesh of her backside.

She couldn't believe how long he was holding out. She was finally ready to make love to him and he was teasing her relentlessly. She couldn't deny that she loved it. She felt the reaction of her body building to the brink and she knew the release would be incredible. The way his hands felt massaging her so intimately made her squeal, though she tried to reign in her reaction as to not wake a sleeping Noah.

He tapped her bottom twice lightly and she lifted her hips again in response. He couldn't wait any longer and he slipped his fingers in the waistband, this time pulling her panties all the way down her legs and guiding her body to turn onto her back.

In response, she reached for his boxers, pulled them out over his erection and slid them down his legs gently. Once their bodies were untangled, they looked each other over up and down, admiring every inch of untraversed territory. Her skin glowed and her wide smile lit up her face. She stared up at him, his beautiful and exposed nakedness hovering above her. He caressed her face and she pulled him into a passionate kiss, before pulling away gently.

"What's wrong, babe?" Tucker's face filled with concern.

She shook her head side to side and placed a finger on his lips. "Thank you," she spoke softly and he knew just what she meant. He knew there would be many more walls to break down, but for now, they had conquered one together and nothing could have made him happier. She pulled him back into the embrace and they relished the pure seduction of skin touching skin, lips touching lips, and the intimacy of sheer vulnerability.


End file.
